The perfect murder. The ideal getaway. The criminal mastermind. If you're a fan of TV dramas and detective novels, you might be under the impression that the underworld is stuffed with geniuses and Mensa members, PC Plod forever plodding two steps behind the latest Moriarty. And yes, there may be the occasional criminal clever clogs who get away with it, but there are plenty more whose activities are dense, duh-brained and downright stupid. Based on the popular feature on Jamie Theakston's Heart FM breakfast show, "Thick Villians" collects stories of criminal stupidity from around the world, including such classics as: a man who gave Indiana police officers a wrong name after being stopped for a driving offence - who then noticed his real name tattooed on his neck; a knife-wielding mugger in South Africa who came to a sticky end after deciding to hide in a zoo…in the tiger enclosure; and, two robbers in Norway who thought a rowing boat would be the perfect getaway vehicle after they ransacked another boat. Just one problem, they couldn't row. Police in Askvoll say it wasn't hard to catch up with the pair as they were rowing in opposite directions and going round in circles.
Simon Vigar is the breakfast newsreader on Heart FM. He has been collecting stories on thick villains from around the world for years.