Soem samples:
1) An impoverished cobbler once complained to R. Ezekiel that whenever he worked a little too long, continuing his work into the Sabbath, his neighbors reproached him. On the other hand, the factories of the richest Jew in town continued to be busy all during the Sabbath with chimneys belching smoke into the air, and no one ever reproached the rich Jew. R. Ezekiel explained that the cobbler's neighbors were looking out for him. Because the cobbler was poor, he was not able to enjoy many of the good things of this world. The rich Jew, on the other hand, because he was rich, was able to enjoy many of the good things of this world. Therefore, R. Ezekiel said, "That rich Jew enjoys this world, and if by desecrating the Sabbath he loses the world to come, at least he has something. But it is different with you. If you remain working after the holy Sabbath has begun, you will be in danger of losing both worlds."
2) Emperor Fo-siu respected the Buddhist priest Si-tien and told him that he could have any treasure-including gold, silver, jewels, priceless works of art-he wanted, provided that he could carry it away in one trip. He then gave Si-tien the key to the royal treasure rooms. However, Emperor Fo-siu was surprised to see Si-tien return very quickly, leading a small girl by the hand. Emperor Fo-siu told Si-tien, "I wanted to give you something valuable, not a dirty orphan. Why did you choose her?" Si-tien replied, "In choosing the child, I chose many rewards-smiles, laughter, affection, small hands and feet, ribbons thrown about in disarray, and the love of a small child for a caring parent."
3) Dorothy Parker declined to be weepy. When her husband, Alan Campbell, died, a friend stopped by and asked if he could do anything. Ms. Parker said no, but the friend insisted that there must be something he could do, so Ms. Parker said, "Well, if you insist, go to the corner and get me a tuna on rye, hold the mayo." Ms. Parker once said that she wanted her epitaph to say, "If you can read this, you're too close."
4) Comedian Bill Hicks and his comedian friends loved to watch such religious programs as "The PTL [Praise the Lord and People That Love] Club." They used to make bets about how long it would take the preacher to stop talking about Jesus and start talking about dollars.
Author Biography:
It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a cry rang out, and on a hot summer night in 1954, Josephine, wife of Carl Bruce, gave birth to a boy - me. Unfortunately, this young married couple allowed Reuben Saturday, Josephine's brother, to name their first-born. Reuben, aka "The Joker," decided that Bruce was a nice name, so he decided to name me Bruce Bruce. I have gone by my middle name -- David -- ever since.
Being named Bruce David Bruce hasn't been all bad. Bank tellers remember me very quickly, so I don't often have to show an ID. It can be fun in charades, also. When I was a counselor as a teenager at Camp Echoing Hills in Warsaw, Ohio, a fellow counselor gave the signs for "sounds like" and "two words," then she pointed to a bruise on her leg twice. Bruise Bruise?
Oh yeah, Bruce Bruce is the answer!
Uncle Reuben, by the way, gave me a haircut when I was in kindergarten. He cut my hair short and shaved a small bald spot on the back of my head. My mother wouldn't let me go to school until the bald spot grew out again.
Of all my brothers and sisters (six in all), I am the only transplant to Athens, Ohio. I was born in Newark, Ohio, and have lived all around Southeastern Ohio. However, I moved to Athens to go to Ohio University and have never left.
At Ohio U, I never could make up my mind whether to major in English or Philosophy, so I got a bachelor's degree with a double major in both areas, then I added a Master of Arts degree in English and a Master of Arts degree in Philosophy. Yes, I have my MAMA degree.
Currently, and for a long time to come (I eat fruits and veggies), I am spending my retirement writing books such as Nadia Comaneci: Perfect 10, The Funniest People in Comedy, Homer's Iliad: A Retelling in Prose, and William Shakespeare's Hamlet: A Retelling in Prose.
If all goes well, I will publish one or two books a year for the rest of my life. (On the other hand, a good way to make God laugh is to tell Her your plans.)
By the way, my sister Brenda Kennedy writes romances such as A New Beginning and Shattered Dreams.
