William Shakespeare Yates, English professor and not-quite-recovering alcoholic, just wants some peace. Lythia Springs, Colorado, nestled comfortably far enough from the ski resorts yet close enough to nowhere, has so far managed to avoid turning into the hustling, bustling tourist traps dotting the state. Even Bile College - the city's bid for revitalisation fifty years ago - hasn't managed to attract a rowdy crowd. But Bill's not getting off that easily. The dean hates him, he can't find that special someone (despite his diligent attempts in every bar from Lythia to nearby Cowpattie), his MG convertible is on the brink of total collapse - and someone has just tossed a body into the Nugget River right in front of him. He doesn't know it yet, but Bill's rash decision to jump in after the body will net him more than just a sopping wet, unconscious, but still alive Brian Quick, blond Adonis and Bile student featured heavily in Bill's fantasies. Then another student is found hacked up with an axe, and rumours of drug trafficking start flying. And both B. Quick and an internationally renowned artist living in town seem intent on winning Bill's romantic affections. Bill quickly finds himself caught in someone else's intricately drawn net, and he's looking like the perfect patsy for murder.