Have you ever been to Europe? Did you take your guidebook? Did you meet that special someone? Neither did I. So now I'm on my way back, and I'm going to throw the guidebook in the pissoir this time and endeavor to find my soul mate in the real Europe -- Europe behind the guidebook pages. Come with me in the hunt for romance as I roll around naked in the Midsummer night's dew in Iceland (it's a tradition!), discover the Jewish geto in Venice, unearth where the Beatles exploded onto the scene in Hamburg, get sucked into acting in an X-rated film in Amsterdam, clash and crash teaching skiing to an insufferable Saudi prince and his magnum-toting bodyguards in the Austrian Alps, shower with the coed volleyball team in Stockholm, get blown out of a job in the Basque Country by ETA terrorists, and stay with me as I have my heart broken in Paris, discover where the circumcisions took place in Istanbul, get roughed up by Romanians in the Canary Islands, bomb valiantly in language school with a randy lass named 'Kinkie' on Spain's glorious Costa Blanca and just when it looks as if I will never find someone to share adventure with ...