A powerful family's awful secret! Ancient assassins! Idealistic rogues! Incompetent lawyers! Wally World! A 1969 Pontiac GTO Judge! A romance novelist and his romance novel cover model best friend! Impromptu book signings! A Colt 1911 A1 .45 caliber pistol! A sage bathroom attendant! Methhead philosophers! A defunct Bible salesman with a hell of a left hook! The paranoid head of corporate security! Rhinestone cowboys! Murderers! Mayhem! Deceit! Strippers! Prostitutes! Unlubricated and Lubricated Condoms! Marcus Hanely's ultimate secret to getting any woman you desire! All lurk within these pages! Buy one! Buy now! Buy for all your friends! In this wicked black comedy, Jackson Leman, the scion of a hyperwealthy family has a choice to make. Jackson can remain firmly in charge of the Personal Health Care Products Division of his family's industrial conglomerate, or he can abandon his position and fortune to become a literary artist without restraint. Jackson penned the best selling romance novel of his generation, Asymmetric Hearts, and now suffers from ferocious writer's block. In an attempt to recover his lost gifts and write a best selling sequel to his romance masterpiece, Jackson spends his time trolling Internet sex chat rooms, and chronicling the sexual exploits of his romance novel cover model best friend in the world, Marcus Hanely. When Jackson learns of his estranged father's imminent death, Jackson and Marcus rip roar across the country in a 1969 Pontiac GTO Judge from Monterey, California to Denver, Colorado. On this journey across 'Merica they engage in brazen comic misadventures all aimed at aiding Jackson Leman to make that most ultimate of decisions: to become what everyone else wants him to be, or to become himself. You'll learn something about life in these pages. You can either laugh or you can cry. No one's getting out of this alive. When you pick up Lubricated Condoms, be prepared to laugh out loud.