For Elliot Gold, manager of the Duxford Ducks football team, life seems to be going from bad to worse. His job and his marriage both face imminent demise. He pins all his hopes on winning one last match. But Elliot Gold is not a lucky man! Drowning his sorrows with his parents in Malta, Elliot is suddenly offered a chance to resurrect his football career with a team he renames 'The Maltese Falcons'. With the inspirational music of Spandau Ballet racing through his veins, Elliot attempts to reinvent himself. Will he woo the lovely Silvia? Can he save his parents' marriage as their union also heads for the rocks? Will he ever win again? "a tremendous first novel - wry, funny and clever. I hope it's the first of many" - Joanne Harris, author of Chocolat