This is my story of growing up in the 1970s-80s, and of how I survived a failed abortion, scoliosis, alternative parenting, murderous aunts, witchcraft, kidnappers, paedophiles, suspected malaria, traffic accidents, living in squats, French nuns, primary school, bullying, prejudice, stairs, gob-stoppers, domestic violence, migraines, suicidal ideation, hippy festivals, naked pagan rituals, clowns, communes, comprehensive school, green politics, vegetarians, the punk wars, glue sniffing, goth, psychedelic drugs, goblins, experiments in magick, vengeful poltergeist, potential UFO abduction, the threat of global apocalypse, and more. Make no mistake. This is not a 'misery memoir'. It is a survivor's grimoire, and it comes with a serious trigger warning. Some passages may offend, distress, and terrify. Others may amuse and entertain. You might find yourself crying. You might find yourself laughing. You might even find yourself believing.