‘This is a remarkable book. The honesty is startling and potent’

Dawn French

‘You have to buy this book. I mean it. It’s very funny and sad and utterly true. It’s a life-saver’

Miriam Margolyes

Hi. I hope you’re ok.

My name’s Joe, and I have one job, every day: don’t kill myself.

I live with a complex mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

15% of people with BPD die by suicide, and 40% try.

I’m already in the 40%. My job is to keep out of the 15%.

In this book I want to try and explain what life is like when you have a brain that is essentially trying to murder you every day. It’s a collection of the funny, sad and shocking stuff that has happened to me along the way.

Writing this book has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It had to be dragged into the world, with my condition telling me that every single word, sentence and chapter was terrible and would make strangers walk up to me in the street and punch me in the face.

But I had run out of options. I’d done everything I ‘d been told to do and I still thought about killing myself every day. So I wrote this book to save my life.

But if there is even the smallest chance that me telling you how I live with me helps you live with you; if it opens up a space for someone, somewhere to be more honest about their mental illness, it will have been worth it.

Please don’t kill yourself.

Love Joe xx

‘Please read this book. It will make the world a better place’

James O’Brien

‘This book will save lives’

Lorraine Kelly

‘Just holding this book will make you a better person’

Paddy McGuinness

Author Biography

Joe Tracini is an actor, author, presenter and comedian and British champion magician.

He’s starred in many TV shows including Hollyoaks, Coming of Age and The Great Outdoors, and he’s the host of the BAFTA winning ‘The Dengineers’.

He’s been acting like an idiot and talking about his broken brain on Twitter for a while now, and since March 2020 when there were suddenly a lot more people with a lot less on, his videos have been viewed over 90 million times.

His top 3 favorite things are food, sleep and avoiding social interactions, and he has a deep hatred of writing about himself in the third person.