Push Back

In her debut book, popular therapist, Psychology Today blogger, and go-to relationship expert Tonya Lester offers a master class on how to be effectively assertive for anyone whose aversion to conflict has led to struggles at home, at work, or in relationships.

Tonya Lester has a bold directive for every conflict-averse woman in the world: It’s OK to be difficult. Not mean, not rigid, not a bully — but the kind of difficult that makes the people in your life see you and understand what you need. Lester routinely witnesses clients and friends talking themselves out of justifiable anger, telling half-truths or backing off to avoid difficult conversations, absorbing disappointment to let others have their way, and doing more than their fair share of work to keep the peace. Why? Because most relationship guidance, both personal and professional, ignores the very real problems of uncooperative and avoidant partners, systemic sexism, and cultural pressures encouraging women to be nurturers, people pleasers, and peacemakers — and not to “rock the boat.” Through exercises, case studies, and real-life examples, Lester shows how to push back. You’ll learn to set boundaries in all kinds of relationships, express your needs, engage in productive conflict, and deal calmly with any resulting backlash from spouses, coworkers, bosses, in-laws, siblings, and children. Push Back gives you the tools to build a life that works better for everyone in it, starting with yourself.

Author Biography

Tonya Lester, LCSW, is a psychotherapist who specializes in relationships and communication. Her work has been published in The New York Times, and she writes the popular Staying Sane Inside Insanity blog for Psychology Today. She lives in Brooklyn, New York, and St. Paul, Minnesota, with her family. TonyaLester.com