Hidden

Hidden, that is what I had become. I have always hidden myself from the time I realized I was a human being, a person, a little girl, and now an adult. I never wanted to be seen. I was looked at as a shy girl. I always felt alone, although I wasn’t. At times, I feel like I am still that little girl who wants to be hidden. Even today, as I write, I sometimes feel the aloneness creeping up on me. Believe me, I like being left alone and being by myself most of the time, but there is a difference when you are alone and lonely inside. The struggle for me was REAL. According to Webster’s dictionary, hidden means concealed; not visible; not easy to find; or being out of sight. That’s it! The words “not visible” kind of hit me. Not visible pretty much sounded like me in a nutshell. Let me tell you why: I could be in a room full of people, and I felt like my family or friends did not see me. I felt like I was not being heard when I spoke, or I was being spoken over. Maybe it was because I was just soft-spoken, and people didn’t hear me. Nah, I can talk pretty loudly if I want to. If you know my family and me, we talk loud when together, so it couldn’t have been because of that.