Ask Me How It Works

What if you gave yourself permission to want more – from love, from life, from yourself?

Deepa Paul rises from her boyfriend’s bed in the early hours of dawn. She gets dressed, slips away with a kiss and cycles home where she is welcomed lovingly by her husband. There isn’t a glimmer of shame, deception or guilt, only the honesty and compassion needed to make this kind of life possible — even if it wasn’t always this easy.

Whose idea was it? What are the rules? Are you ever jealous? Deepa answers these questions openly and tenderly, as she seeks the truths that so many of us want to discover. Can I ask for what I want? Do I deserve it? Is it worth it?

Unexpectedly relatable and joyfully vibrant, this is one woman’s manifesto of becoming, of desire and of identity. This is a memoir that says: you’re allowed to want more.

‘A fascinating and big-hearted portrait of sex, intimacy and non-monogamy’ CLOVER STROUD

‘A candid and insightful perspective on love in all its forms’ STYLIST

‘Deepa is the epitome of a woman living in her power. Ask Me How It Works provides a stunningly vulnerable and poetic glimpse into her most intimate spaces and through her journey to sexual liberation. If this book doesn’t change your perspective on relationships, nothing will’ GILLIAN ANDERSON

‘A generous-spirited, imaginative exploration of how to live life differently’ REBECCA WAIT

‘Reads like a long-overdue conversation with an old friend, will leave you thrilled and humming with possibility’ YAEL VAN DER WOUDEN

‘Raw, vulnerable, and unexpectedly relatable’ EASTERN EYE

‘A spectacular memoir written with verve and style’ NANA DARKOA SEKYIAMAH
‘An honest look at how to navigate multiple partners and motherhood. Expect to have your preconceptions rattled’ STYLE

‘A brave and elegantly executed memoir about the power of writing your own rules, shaking off shame and fighting for a marriage to work’ SUNDAY TIMES IRELAND

Author Biography

Deepa Paul is a Filipina-Indian author living in Amsterdam. Her writing explores the balance between being a mother, wife, girlfriend, daughter, adventurer, and herself – all at the same time.