Hey, folks. My name is Bob Barnem, and I'm a chronic suicidal. Do you ever get that itch? And I'm not talking about something that can be treated with a cream or powder. You don't follow? All right, say you're driving down the highway. Have you ever just had a sudden urge to jump out of the car? Or maybe play intimately with traffic? In short, have you ever felt a desire for the thrill of suicide without the consequence of death? This is a tale about my various ways of suicide, and encountering a bizarre knife, some phantom creatures, and being a hero--sometimes. Things are about to get really exciting for both of us. Some itches just need to be scratched.