You may be bored of the novelty of a free bus pass, hair may be growing in unusual places and you'll never make it through the late night feature without nodding off. On the bright side, you can look forward to tearing up the pavement on your own top-of-the-range mobility scooter. Colour illustrations

Author Biography

Clive Whichelow is a journalist and comedy writer. He has written for Rory Bremner, Jonathan Ross, Spitting Image and many others as well as for The Mail on Sunday, the Daily Express and the Daily Mirror. Mike Haskins is a writer and researcher who has worked on TV providing scripts for everyone from Simon Pegg to Christopher Biggins. He has worked on radio series featuring Des O'Connor, Bruce Forsyth and Brian Eno (although sadly not all at the same time). He has worked for many years with Griff Rhys Jones and has written (or co-written) a vast pile of books including the bestselling joke collection Man Walks Into A Bar.