* I will never achieve intimacy * My Guardian Angel Is On Strike * Embarrassment is another way of reminding myself I am foolish and unworthy Negative Affirmations allows readers to harness their negativity, and, with repeated recitations (preferably in public) helps set them on the path to debasement and lowered expectations. Why not take a few moments to make yourself the person you always feared you were? Why waste time on hopes and dreams when you can resent yourself in the now? Let Negative Affirmations help you shine a bright light into every nook and cranny of your pathetic psyche!
Steven Appleby is one of Britain's leading cartoonists with a popular weekly column in the Guardian for many years. He is the author of over 20 books. George Mole is a writer and actor who has contributed to national publications such as the Observer and Punch.