There was a time when I had goals and dreams for my life, but now all I do is go to birthday parties. When I'm at these birthday parties I've noticed that the kids have fun, the women yak it up, but the men are as lost as lost could be. They are absolutely miserable. They remind me of the last scenes of the 1962 cult classic "Carnival of Souls" where all the lifeless spirits just meander around aimlessly; their vital spark gone, their once twinkling eyes glazed over. During the week, these guys are attorneys, doctors, high-powered businessmen, pillars of the community, big shots of all kinds, but on the weekends at these kids' birthday parties they are all lost tormented souls. They are all mere pitiful shadows of their former selves. It soon became obvious to me that these fathers need guidance. I scoured bookstores for something that would help, but there was nothing. Therefore this book was born out of necessity. It is at once a survival guide, an instruction manual, and a rant and a half. The poet John Donne wrote that no man is an island. This book is my attempt to reach out to my fellow fathers. It is my hope that it will bring us all together and will help to end our suffering. No one else has stepped forward. Therefore I feel it's my duty; no, my mission, to lead all fathers out of the darkness, the nightmare, that is children's birthday parties. This book will help us all survive.